Maybe, maybe not

I didn't pick an easy major. That's not fair to say because it wasn't easy for me. I picked something I enjoy and not something that my parents wanted. :/ I also know what I'm doing with my life: teach. Everyone else if off to grad school; I can't do another two years no matter how much I enjoyed college. I'm done with it for now even if I'm not sure what else to do.

I don't really party and I should come to realize it's not for me - that's not who I am. I'm more domesticated and all the drinking is a bit much (especially after yesterday). A lot of it is fear, I think. There's a want to enjoy partying, but I'm still not completely happy with what I look like on the outside. I wish I had more confidence and was able to just let go a little. I have rather high standards and I don't care, I'm sticking to them. I don't want to feel shame. I guess that makes it difficult sometimes to let go.

Anyways, after getting that out, I'd chat about New Year's Eve but I'm too tired. I drank a little too much and got more wasted than I've ever been. Besides passing out and my extreme hangover, it was fun to go to a party with Van. I miss Van so much! I'm going to strive to be more like her in some ways. She's rather outgoing I realized and I'm pretty happy to have her and all my friends in my life. :) It gave me some more considerations about moving closer though at the same time, the experiences here also provided me with reasons not to move back here.

Another one of my resolutions needs to be, stop talking about people. I'm pretty terrible at it and I must admit my faults. I'm just intrigued by people way too much. I wish I had such experiences (not all of them of course) that I could share with everyone. I try.

I guess for 2009, I'm going to keep working on me and try to gain some confidence in myself. After that, I'd love to do some parties and such, but I need to keep in mind how comfortable/uncomfortable I am at parties. I want to be social, but I don't necessarily need to party. I like the party people though because that's where I see hot guys. :)