At 130, on Friday

With Ashley


With Brett

Whirlwind week

New guy or guy #5 as you wish has been pretty good about calling, texting, hanging out... it's like what I always thought I wanted. When my home is packed with three couples on any given night, it's hard not to lay in bed thinking... what? But then again, they're all complicated. Actually, one is complicated, one is official, and one is nonexistent in my book.

Since meeting this new guy, he's watched an endless amount of movies with me and my friends, came over just to hang out, gone to several parties with us, helped clean the living room, made my bed more than once, held my hand, napped together, offered to stay sober so I could drink, tried to buy my movie ticket, walked downtown, hung out at his house, met his brother and father, changed my headlight, read my sign's compatibility with his and even commented on the "love horoscope" which said it'd be an emotional Saturday, got awkward when my very drunk friend danced all over me, & questioned my relationship with my friend "B" (yes, I told him I have a strange thing for "B" but he thought we were once a thing). I did spill that I'm friends with a certain ex-someone.

Someone thinks I'm happy even if I don't show it. I want to make sure I don't get hurt again.

I've felt kind of bad because it appears he does like me quite a bit yet I've shown little affection. I thought I didn't like PDA, but I realized I'm totally cool with it. Case(s) in point: when I used to play beer pong with tall P and when I tried all sorts of PDA with Ali G (new nickname!). I just think I'm shallow. I used to be fat and ugly and I couldn't believe it when I got hot guys. It isn't that this one isn't cute. I guess this happens when, at a party, I have two people for which I have some minimal feelings: Ali G and "B."

Maybe it's a good thing that we hang out so often, but I talk so little about it. Maybe I've learned not to obsess or put too much of myself into these encounters. Maybe it's just natural. Though all of this not-talking-about-it is also a reason why there's no PDA. I don't want my friends to know, even though they already do. So... I don't know. I guess I need to learn that hot hasn't worked so well for me. Wait wait, Ali G wasn't even that hot. Okay, I suppose it's different this time because I'm being lavished with attention instead of having to work for it. I don't think for any second, especially when he's been around so much, that I won't see him for over a week.

At the same time...

I have to remember who I am, what I've done with myself... and that no job besides the job all the people we know holds now and for the moment, no car aren't good-on-paper traits. On paper, it doesn't seem to work. But that's on paper, said a friend. We always look for "perfect" and that's no good because we forget about chemistry. Yet, I do have some requirements, requirements that can make or break couples.

Sustaining myself

I've decided to post my tumblr post here since I want to update here also.

January 20, 2010 (2 years since I've been my heaviest at roughly 185 lbs)
130.8 lbs - 54.2 lbs lost, 15.8 lbs to go

(written in the dietgirl fashion - see link about book I'm reading)

So school was really boring. All I had to do was sit there with another teacher and watch movies with the 9th graders. The first movie was rather good, but I forgot my glasses so I squinted a lot. I've never even heard of "Adventures in Babysitting" and it was rather funny. We also watched "The Ultimate Gift" which I had seen before.

I texted new guy today and he called me a total of 3 times so far today. A few of us are going to see "Men Who Stare at Goats" so since I had work, kickboxing, and eating/showering, I thought it'd be best to have him come with us. Not sure if he's bringing the people he's with though. But you see, I won't let anyone get in the way of my workouts/eating. I was going to make dinner for Yance also. I would have made him chicken parm while I had the alfredo. Saying no is the key.

I got out early, took a nap, bought groceries to make this Hungry Girl chicken alfredo recipe, and went to kickboxing class. I got there early so I did 10 minutes/100 cals on the bike. Kickboxing was fun, but I lost my stamina half way through. :( I need to go again next week for sure. I don't mind standing in the front ever cause I can see myself. I've stopped being so self-conscious of my mistakes.

The Hungry Girl chicken alfredo recipe was extremely filling and quick to make. The tofu noodles were odd though. Oh well, I can deal with a bit of bland food if I can make my goals.

Speaking of goals, while bored at school, I made a ton of lists. I want to reward myself for the hard work I've done.

Goals & rewards* (*in order for it to count, I must be at the weight or below for at least 3 days - I know I will continue to lose so it's not a big deal if I keep going down duh)

130 lbs + find a job - key chain

125 lbs + 25 days worked - purse/Wellies

120 lbs + 50 days worked - purse/Wellies

115 lbs + 75 days worked - $500 to buy clothes (not shoes, socks, bags, etc.)

Calorie count

Sustain myself: -1305 cals

Breakfast: 140 cals cereal & milk [-1165 cals]

Snack: 140 cals Quaker pack (280 cals) [-1025 cals]

Lunch: 200 cals waffle with PB & J (480 cals) [-825 cals]

Snack: 50 cals popcorn (530 cals) [-775 cals]

Dinner: 275 cals HG's Chick-fredo (805 cals) [-575 cals]

Teaching: -200 cals (pretty lazy day) [-775 cals]

Gym: - 100 cal bike + - 375 cals kickboxing (-475 cals) [-1250 cals]

Weigh-in pre-dinner: 130.8 (stable!)

Productive member of society

I haven't written in here forever, but I figure why not? I don't know what this blog is about anymore. I used to write about design and I still do that, but I've toned down and written more about my life.

After student teaching, I stopped writing because I was so busy with 40 hours a week (at least) at school and then planning at home.

Once that ended, I decided I needed to focus on myself. Well, this realization came to me around summertime when I began to party too much. Thankfully, I balanced that out with weekly outdoor trips and 4-5 days at the gym.

Even with student teaching, I was still too wild. We were out all the time. Afterward, I was unemployed and enjoying it until winter break. I was bored. I went to the gym pretty much everyday. I joined the Rush cause they have better hours. I've toned it down to 6 days a week and more toning in addition to cardio. I do about 1 hour of cardio a day.

I've gotten my life more together. I party on the weekends and only drink once (though I figure that drinking has no point but to get shitfaced so I get shitfaced that one day). I go to the gym 6 days a week. I sub everyday I can. I'm applying for random jobs in the Asheville City School system cause I love them. I found out that they have perma-subs at the high school, but it's okay, I love preschool. I wish there were more preschool jobs. Anyhow, though none of the jobs have panned out so far, I'm kind of glad. I just got called for an interview for a job I didn't know I signed up for - as a teacher's assistant at the preschool.

This is preferable because, well, I'm not ready to really teach or go to grad school. I realized I can go on with some random jobs for a bit. Now, if I get this job, my life will be as follows for the next few years: assist till next year then go to UNC for their year-long masters program in school counseling. This all may change as it does every week.

Yancey still lives with me! Yay. We have Jordan in our basement for awhile, but he's not too bad. :) We have a ton of friends who are rather awesome. The bad ones don't matter anymore to me. I decided I'm not as crazy. I may be an angry drunk, but I'm honest at least.

I'm not proud of being an angry drunk, but I'm proud of my other accomplishments this past year. I finished school, got my teaching license, got in random "relationships" that were well, not "in a relationship" relationships, and I've lost 26-27% of my body weight. Well, let me clarify. I've lost 26-27% of my body weight from my heaviest.

At the beginning of summer, I was 150 lbs. I lost 10 while student teaching. Now I'm almost reaching my next 10 lbs (130.8 after my workout today). I'm steadily losing weight by keeping track of calories and working out. I'm glad I never did one of those fad diets. I knew this was the only way to do it and I finally mustered up enough strength.

Though all this is overwhelming. I've never been called beautiful by a gay man who told me I was fortunate and stared at me for 5 minutes. He then told 3 guys and asked them this. "She's gorgeous... and I'm a fag." He then said, "All the guys are looking at you." Aw. Then my drunk Yancey gave me a hug, saying she's so pretty and thin now and I worked so hard. He wants to move to Austin with me. And, how awesome I was with my kids. I almost cried. This was the first time ever.

Ahh, so I just have to keep my motivation up. Working out gives me endorphins so that helps. I just need a real job and not subbing to remind me I'm a productive member of society. That's really all I want.

2 weeks, 2 days or 5 days SAYS IT ALL.

She rolls the mile, makes you smile, all the while being true
Don't take for granted the passions that she has for you
You will lose, if you choose, to refuse to put her first
She will if she can find a man who knows her worth

It's the title of this page.

Getting my shit today: cleaning, lesson plans, studying for the GREs, watching HGTV, cutting out things from magazines.

Linksy

You call it mid-century modern, I'll give it a go: MCM house tour
Toasters are dull in color. Green is my favorite color, but the choice will depend on what colors I make my kitchen.