I hope this counts towards Christmas.

I spent all day cleaning and still hoping. I made Yancey a sweet advent calendar even. I was good all day. I hope this counts towards Christmas. Since I never get anything for being an amazing person, I hope I get something good this year/finally. Yeah yeah, I get lots of great things like life, school, family, and friends but I have one thing on my mind right now that's driving me crazy. I think it drives everyone else crazy too.

I think I've got a great personality. Hey, everything else isn't so much my fault. :/ I'm smart, I get shit done, I'm rather nice and fun to hang out with... so why doesn't everyone just want to hang out with me? I need to probably finish reading How to Win Friends and Influence People or whatever or reread He's Just Not That Into You.

Bonnie really lifted my spirits the other day when she told me how much fun I am and how everyone was really excited about my presence. I also felt the same way about all the fun I had Monday. For the last two weeks, I've been so high on life. Then, I got a reality check. Despite everything, there are some things I wish I had.

Stephen and Kris think I should just give this one up. Well, I'm being an ass about it right? Cause it's Thanksgiving. This isn't about me. I'm making it about me. But anyways, Stephen, Kris, and Yancey think I should just stop. I don't want to. Moreover, they want me to go back a step. I don't want to do that either because I'm so annoyed by the person now. I don't even want to see the person or talk to them. I don't like people who act and look like they're 12. I'm not a pedophile. So... no, taking a step back isn't a good idea Yance.

I started bawling on the phone about how much I feel alone. I have to explain to my mother I don't want to live with her. That's not what I mean and that's not all I need in life sometimes. Right? Someone tell me something. My mom really is no help at making me feel better. She doesn't know why I ever moved out here. I tell her, this was the best choice ever. I'm much better as an individual. I thought so at least. I thought I didn't need anyone else, but I think I do and it's not just work, friends and family anymore.